Shit just got real:
May 4, 2012

I just emailed the head of the physics dept at my school. While that in and of itself isn't something to shout about, I'm hoping he'll be able give me the direction I need to have a seamless (as possible) transfer to PSU in fall 2013. I've been in school now for 1.5 years, I'm still rocking the 4-point, and I'm having so much fun learning more about things I'm interested in. I'm actually really happy I waited to go to school -- at this point in my life, I may be far more busy than I was at 17 or 18, but I have way more appreciation for going to school, and I am truly enjoying myself. I'm also getting additional education without going into major debt (which I should hopefully be able to continue), and I'm learning more about how I can push myself (and... uh... how important studying is?).
I'm currently in Calculus I, and (I know this is going to bite me in the ass later) it's far easier than I thought it would be. Maybe I expected it to be really tough because people who I consider smart/intelligent (there's a difference!) typically either react with fear or have started into stories about their failed relationship with calculus. I also have an excellent instructor, so of course I want to glom onto her while I can. This has been one of the most fun and challenging paths I've been on in my life, and I'm looking forward to the next 5 or so years until I graduate (and I'm already trying to figure out how the hell I can afford graduate school -- dooooom! doooooooom!).

I try a new hairstyle
April 1, 2012

Before we left for a long holiday, I forced myself to get a haircut. I hadn't had my hairs cut since before the wedding (7 month - shiiiiih), and it was way past the time for this to be done. I've always had an issue with spending money on anything that I might consider frivolous, usually consisting of things that normal ladies spend money on All The Time, such as clothes, shoes, hairdos, mani/pedis (just typing that made me gag a little), facials, etc. In fact, within the last 5 years, I have had one facial, 5 professional pedicures, 2 professional manicures (never with polish - just buff. If I get polish, I'll pick it off within days), have spent maybe $1,000 on clothes, and maybe just over $600 on shoes. Everything I purchase seems like too much money to spend on something I'll just wear, so it's not like it's something I need to live, like an iPhone. I then wonder why I always look frumpy and icky and feel badly about myself, and get annoyed and wonder why no one has submitted my horrid self to one of those makeover shows. Be that as it may...
As a total random idea, I decided to "do" my hair the Saturday we left for Canadia. I typically just let it air-dry, and it kind of does what it does. Since it's curly, it looks pretty good like 70% of the time, and the other 30% of the time, I put it in a ponytail (Kristy Brewer, anyone? Hold the turtlenecks). Instead, I did that side-bang-across-the-forehead thing, which really wasn't as tough as it looked (thanks to Product!), and, well, it looked good. I have to admit I've been kind of going nuts over it, and now that I have something to do with my hair that's not pretty boring that takes like 10 minutes to achieve.
Thus ends a boring post in which I write about my hair.
Oh, hey, and Canada was fun, too!

So I used to go to these
February 15, 2012

I used to go to a lot of "things"... Star Trek conventions, raves, Burning Man, network nerdy gaming nights, full tower computers under our arms, with 21" CRTs waiting in the trunk for the next trip inside. I don't think I'll ever get over the nostalgia and "natsukashii" feeling I get when thinking about all of the nerdy and not-so-nerdy stuff I did. All of these things added up with other experiences to help me become the person I am today, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

One of the first Star Trek conventions I went to was held in San Jose, put on by Creationin (tm), which is pretty much the main convention conglomerate. DS9 was new then, and TNG was extremely popular. I was amazed that there were adults dressed up as the characters I saw on TV, especially the Klingons and those that required more makeup than I had used in my lifetime. I waited in lines to get autographs from Armin Shimerman, Marina Sirtis, and Rene Auberjonois; I was thrilled to sit a mere 100 or so feet away from Patrick Stewart while he talked about the show (later, when we were in the UK, he's who I thought of when we visited Stratford-upon-Avon and I saw my first Shakespeare play performed live). I enjoyed the hell out of myself, but I also remember my dad, whom I had talked into coming with me (I certainly wouldn't have been able to go by myself), making snide comments about those in the costumes and the magazines I wanted to buy.

I originally started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation with my dad as something we could do together; he was a fan of the original series (which I hated at the time), and I have to admit I was curious about the show my dad watched religiously on Sunday nights. I quickly became enamored of Wesley, the cute, awkward youth who felt like my anti-self; he was able to experiment with technology and explore with little conflict, except for that with the captain. I held Wesley in my heart, not only because I had a total crush on him, but because I was fiercely jealous of his position, and I wholeheartedly believed that by the time I was an adult, society would be nearly be at the technological future the fictional 23rd century showed on Fox, in syndicated episodes at 5 and 11pm.

Somehow, TNG wasn't enough of a catalyst pushing me toward a scholarly perusal of the sciences outside my bedroom. My dad's Time Life books on The Universe were fun to peruse, and at one point, I memorized the Table of Elements, but without use, the knowledge was lost quickly. I'm still not sure what happened to me back then, but I find myself paranoid of the future for my own children. Though I embrace my nerdiness at this point, it took shift in societal "norms" to allow me to do this, because I simply wasn't comfortable to be "out" before. I'm 32 years old, finally learning about calculus, which I've wanted to explore for far too many years. I don't want to wait any more. I won't wait any longer.

Something new...
September 4, 2011

So, I'm getting married again. In less than 1 week.
This time, it's ... normal. I feel good. I'm calm.
Every other person with whom I've been speaking is asking me "why aren't you more freaked out?" or commenting that I seem like "the calmest bride [they'd] ever seen!" Really? Is there something I should be freaked out about? I'm almost starting to feel a bit freaked out from my lack of anxiety than anything else.
I must say, though -- Peter is amazing. He's the person with whom I've felt so completely "me"... or at least, I've allowed myself to be so completely me. There's no pretense, no bullshit. There's no lying and there's no worrying whether he means what he's saying. There's no second-guessing or questionable ulterior motive. There's no one pulling strings from behind him, a hulking frame so obviously standing there, like a hovering beast. And, ultimately, there's everything I've been looking for.
I'm on holiday this week and next. I'm on vacation from school and from work. I'm really looking forward to this.

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