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In which I throw a fucking fit
March 22, 2007

I know that it may seem that I'm making a huge mistake right now to various parties that think they may know more about what's best for me than myself. The problem with this is that I was the happiest and most comfortable I had been in ages. Until now. When people with whom I've enjoyed spending time more than anyone else for a number of years take a passive/aggressive stance on decisions I've made, it kind of pisses me off. And really, I feel they don't have the right to start making assumptions or judgments about my character from something that really doesn't have anything to do with them. I'm the displaced person right now - I'm the one that's going through this, and no matter what they say, I'm an adult and I am the one who has to make these life decisions for myself. I understand that when advice is given and not taken, it can feel a bit like an affront, but it's not. So, unless I have done something directly against these people that may cause some kind of harm, I would greatly appreciate a lack of dramatics and character assessments and 86ing and the rolling of the eyes and the overreactions and the passive-aggressiveness. Please. And if they have something to say to me, let them say it to my face, and stop this bullshit high school crap, and I can stop seething about this and get on with my life. It may not make sense to them, but things are making sense to me - a lot more than they have in a long time. And I can be happy again. Isn't that what friends are supposed to want for their peers?

Thank you.

In which I drool all over myself
March 14, 2007

tako1.gifI had some of the best sushi of my life last night. It was fresh and the taste and smell were incredible. As most anyone who has met me knows, I get incredibly excited whenever I get to eat sushi. I'm amazed that even after eating it for 15+ years, I have never gotten bored of it... and hope to enjoy it for many more years to come. I tried something new last night that I wasn't sure about, but it ended up being the best I'd ever had. It's sure to become a staple for sushi night. I'm glad I took the chance to try it, or else I might never know what it was like. I also think I'm going to put my made-up roll back into rotation (tako, avocado, and green onion w/ tobiko). Just thinking about it is making me hungry again...

In which I confess...
March 13, 2007

I've been going through a lot of "soul-searching" for the past 6 months, and while most of my life has been moving along smoothly, there has been a bumpy undercurrent that's threatening to take me under. If you've been reading for a while, you can see the pattern of peaks and troughs on some kind of sine wave that is my life. Only that more recently the frequency has been v high and out of control, and has not felt very good at all. There may be some badly-needed Big Changes ahead, which may take away some of my time to blog (because I totally blog all the time anyhow). I will, however, come out on the other side a far more stable person (hopefully).

And while we're talking about confessions, I must say that I really enjoy singing in harmony with my fave bands, but with headphones on. Since it has gotten all spring-like here as of late and the windows are open again, I have a feeling that my neighbors and possibly anyone walking down the alley may have been subjected to non-harmonized 3rd key singing. ^_^

And I don't feel guilty about it at all.

In which I pretend to be Camus
March 4, 2007

I think somehow the tea caffeine (which is different than coffee caffeine) in my body put me into some kind of existential mood, as when I was doing up the breakfast dishes, I started thinking about the absurdity of death.

I (used to) get obsessive about certain events revolving around death - the JFK assassination, the Kent State massacre, the Jonestown massacre, etc. When I was younger, I read a collection of TimeLife books about all things great and wide, which included Physics, The Natural World, and The Mind of A Killer. Since the advent of the internet made mass communication so prevalent, that part of my psyche was not quelled when I read through all of the TimeLife books (and my aunt wouldn't buy me Helter Skelter at Barnes and Noble that one day) - now I just go out to CrimeLibrary.com or some similar googled site and let my imagination run wild.

In spite of all that, and in spite of all the people around me who have died, I still don't know enough about it. I've read about the decay of the body, about how the brain quits its electrical signals, and it still means nothing. So I've decided not to worry about it, full stop. Not that I'm going to start doing things that may get me nominated for a Darwin Award - I'm still plenty afraid of pain.