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squeaky clean
July 17, 2003

sometimes i fear writing in here, just because i know that what i want to write won't turn out the way i want it to once i type it. things sound so much more clever in my head. and usually i come up with the most creative things in my head right before falling asleep, when i let my thoughts become random and wander like rabid dogs. as soon as i do fall asleep, it all gets lost in the moment of the now, when my dreams take over as the most important thing in my head. it's my main downfall, i know. and that's the reason i'll never be a famous writer. not like i would want to be. hmph.

things are getting crazy, and i don't know what i should do about my personal life any longer. i feel as if everything is taking too long. there are so many things i want to do, and i am just unable to get them to come to fruition. it's maddeningly frustrating. sometimes i just want to sit down and cry because of the lack of understanding i have of life in general. i just want things to happen now, if you know what i mean. i feel as if it is all caused by money, as if i had lots of money, i would be able to do everything i want as quickly as i want it. unfortunately, even thinking about having the freedom to do something like that is a pipe dream that won't help me at all. *sigh*