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some peoples' children
January 16, 2004

Before I went off to college (ahem – 3 mi. away from my location at the time), I knew I had to find a roommate to share living quarters with at the University-sponsored apartments. Hardly any of my friends were going to BSU at the time (nor were they girls), so I ended up contacting someone who had put an advert in the paper. Yeah, the paper – you know, the Idaho Statesman.

She was from St. Anthony, a town known for its crazyhouse, and its one stoplight. Seriously. I spoke with her for a bit on the phone, and she sounded… well, nice. Like someone I could get along with.

When moving in, I met her parents. They were country/farm folk. Her dad brought a case of Coors with him to help him through the day. He offered one to me, which I refused. Once everything was moved in (really didn’t take that long as I owned 2 pieces of furniture at the time), I took a look at the roommate’s (larger) room. Where I had a queen-sized bed and a gigantic desk from the WWII era, she had a twin daybed and a small desk. Where I had approx 20sq’ of open floor space in my bedroom, she had about 100sq’. That pissed me off a bit, but being the passive-aggressive person I am, I let it go.

Also in her bedroom was her stereo and CD collection. I took a look through her collection and uttered a silent scream. She had told me during our phone conversation that she liked all kinds of music (a plus, normally), but she liked country the best. I really didn’t mind at the time, thinking she would have a CD collection like me – heavy in one area, but speckled throughout with other music. Her CD collection consisted of all country with the exception of an Ugly Kid Joe CD. Ugly Kid Joe?! Huh? I knew I was in trouble.

Deeming that the only way I was actually going to live with this person peacefully was to otherwise ignore her, I began to do so. I view roommates and coworkers the same way – if they’re supercool neato people, then yeah, I might hang out with them. However, if they’re not supercool neato, then I think I’d rather hang out with my other friends, and just be cordial to the other person when interaction is a necessity. Sure, I would talk to her if she was in the room, and for the first couple of weeks I even went out of my way to invite her to hang out with my friends and I when we went out, knowing that she had no friends. The roommate soon began her PT job at McDonald’s (only because her manager back home at the McDonald’s she had been working at for 2 years had called the manager in Boise – or so she braggingly told me), and began making friends there. We saw each other less and less, which was just fine with me. But there were a few things that she would do (or otherwise wouldn’t do) that were slowly driving me nuts.

She was one of those people that spent 2 hours in the bathroom in the morning before going to class. Shower for a half hour, makeup for a half hour, hair for a half hour, and clothes for a half hour. I rarely had time to actually get myself clean (approx 15 mins) before heading off to class myself. Strike one.

She would never ever take the trash out. A month after moving in, her boxes were still piled up to the ceiling in the storage room. I needed someplace to put my bike. So I ended up enlisting the next door neighbor boys to help me take them to the dumpster. After taking out the garbage myself for 2 weeks, I left it in the closet to collect, just to test her. Sure enough, another bag of garbage appeared next to the already overflowing bag, then another. Eventually, after a week of putting up with this, I took out the garbage myself in 3 trips. Strike two.

She would eat my food. Apparently, her parents gave her plenty of money per month with which to purchase groceries. She refused to buy anything but chicken pot pies (which I cannot stand), macaroni, tinned tomatoes and tomato paste, and cheese. I, on the other hand, would purchase fruit, vegetables, pizzas, meats, and stuff I could make actual meals with. Consistently, when making something to eat for myself, I would find a key ingredient missing. I would check the garbage, and sure enough, would find the wrapper for the aforementioned item usually sitting on the top of the pile. When I brought this up with her, she denied it at first, then started telling me that I was eating her chicken pot pies, so she was eating my food in retaliation. Being the pot pie hater that I am, I denied this. I knew she was eating my food because she didn't like the food she had bought for herself. Strike three.

At this point, I received a letter from said roommate, complaining about me. The gist of the letter was a big whine about how I would never hang out with her (she never asked), and when I had friends over, I ignored her (as most of my friends didn’t even like her, I thought that this was for the best). I cordially wrote back a note asking her forgiveness and inviting her out to dinner with my other friends, etc. etc. I obviously didn’t want to live with a person I couldn’t stand, and satiating her hunger for drama and friends of mine seemed like a good way to keep her quiet for the time being.

So the roommate went and got herself a boyfriend. His name was Chris, he worked with her at McDonald’s, and had really really bad acne. Chris was a nice guy, too… not much to look at, not much to talk to, but I was all into seeing the roommate be happy. All was going well until one night when the roommate was trying to lure her bf into her bedroom by feigning sleepiness. We were all in the livingroom, so she decides to yawn, stretch, and go into her room. The bf sat on the couch and watched the teevee. I was playing on my computer. Said bf then came over to my side of the couch and started rubbing my leg. Absolutely grossed out, I removed his hand, patted it, and suggested he go be with his gf in her bedroom. Obviously daft and not understanding, he attempts to kiss me (he really didn’t even get close). Even more grossed out, I shoved him away, and quitted to my bedroom for the night, locking the door behind me.

The next day, I had a cute little note from the roommate saying she was moving out. Apparently, her bf told her that I tried to hit on him. Hah. Chris broke up with her because he wanted to go for me. Double hah (and ew). Later, she threatened to take me to small claims court for my unpaid portion of the cable bill, totaling $50. I didn’t own a teevee, let alone watch teevee, nor did I want cable. Pffft.

I think she was just upset because I didn’t become her best friend.


Oh God that desk...the memories of ripping it apart at like 2 AM and throwing it out your second story window rather than haul the damn beast down the stairs...man I'll never forget that night :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at January 18, 2004 8:51 PM

that was a totally awesome night. even though i sliced my hands in like 10 different places (you probably did, too), i made good use of my ratchet set, and had a ton of fun. yeah!

Posted by: devlyn at January 19, 2004 8:17 AM