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February 17, 2004

Help! I am fat and I need to lose weight. I need to go the gym regularly again, and stick with it. I need to stop impulse eating. I want to be able to get in a bathing suit and not want to smack myself when looking in the mirror. I want my body to look better. I don’t want this buddha any more, and I don’t want to have my arms keep waving after I’ve stopped.

Over the past 2 years, I’ve lost about 60 pounds of fat from my body. I need to keep this up, but I’ve been hovering around the same weight since fucking August, and I hate that. The boy and I will be in Australia in August, and I need to be able to be fit enough to go hiking in the outback, to go swimming in the reef, and to be able to jump up and down 2349865 times without losing my breath.

Here are my mid-month resolutions:

1. No more drinking – I can’t keep telling myself that a vodka Collins isn’t going to be that many calories. I can’t keep drinking glasses of wine and telling myself that it’s damned good for my heart.
2. Throw out the Valentine’s candy. After stuffing my face with Hershey’s Hugs and Kisses over the past 3 days, I can’t afford to even think about another one without adding another tire around my waist.
3. No more cheating. I have to stop eating unportioned sizes, and telling myself that it’s alright to have that third slice of breakfast pizza because it’s a vegetarian, and at least it has vegetables on it and vegetables are good for me.
4. No more sugar freakouts. I didn’t grow up on sugar, but for the past couple of months, I have been craving something sweet after almost every meal, and fruit just hasn’t been cutting it. Must cut self off completely, cold-turkey.
5. Must start going to the gym regularly again. Today is my 2-week anniversary of not going to the gym. Since I went to Savannah, I’ve been really horrible at going to the gym, even when I know I should.
6. I must turn all of the “musts” into “wills” above.
7. I must remember all of the above to give myself strength and motivation.

The scariest thing about exercise and eating and losing weight and all that is that I am the only one responsible for how it goes. I am the only person or thing responsible for me not losing weight continuously, for not going to the gym every other day, and for stuffing my face with pizza, wine, and chocolates last weekend. I needed to write this down somewhere as a reminder to myself of what my goals and hopes are. Hope you understand. And if you have actually read this far without wanting to barf or just closing the page, good for you. You will get a special treat tomorrow. ^_^


dev, it's great to make these goals.
but the shortness of breath? i don't think that the fact you haven't been to the gym in a couple weeks is solely responsible for shortness of breath.
quit smoking before you go hiking int he outback and you'll find you can do a lot more.. and keep up the exercise

Posted by: zach at February 17, 2004 2:09 PM

Tear it up, honey. I just knitted a bikini to motivate myself to do sit-ups. I want to look cute in it.

Posted by: Auntie Sarah at February 18, 2004 10:10 AM

Keep it up, girl! You'll be able to do it, I'm sure.

Posted by: lotus at February 19, 2004 8:23 PM