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the countdown begins - 4 days 'til OZ
August 23, 2004

I have finally come to realize that I am an exceptionally conflicted person, and it makes me feel like an internal drama queen. I am second-guessing a lot of things in my life right now, which is scaring the hell out of me. I think I very well may be feeling this way due to depression (wonky hormones and all), but I also think that this may be the thing causing the depression - either way, I don?t really feel depressed, just confused, so who knows. I?m hoping and praying that this is just a phase that will pass, as it almost always does, at least for a time. However, there is also a permanent, yet quiet, thought at the back of my brain that whatever I may be doing may be the wrong thing. I know I have to make a decision on these things that are bothering me, because no one is going to tell me what to do; the only one in charge of my life is me, and I?m the only one who can do this. That thought is both enormous and confining.

On a lighter note, I returned today from a lovely jaunt with 8 of my BFFs to Cascade. The Queen made her family's cabin available to us, for which I am ever grateful. The weekend was incredibly fun and relaxing all at the same time. Much alcohol was imbibed and many hijinks ensued. Below are a few pics from this morning. Unfortunately, I had forgotten about the ol' digicam until after the Redhead and Amychan had hot-flashed, so they aren't included: hmph. Sadly, none of these shots were staged; all were spontaneous.

The Queen herselfThe fighting is surprisingly normalThis is also quite familiar for most of usThe Fern, chill modeThe lake in Cascade - could it be hiding the Rockasaurus Rex?

And just for sticking around, here's a bonus shot of me with my crazy birthday hair from last Tuesday (humidity! huzzah!):
Me... I'm 25 now. Wow.


Hormones are fun and exciting but depression does and can run in the family and there is nothing wrong with taking an antideressant once in a while. Your 25 now and can do and be what you want to be. Happy b day. luv ya bunches

Posted by: auntie su at August 23, 2004 2:32 PM

Hurrah! Church Camp photos! I hope that someone noticed I forgot my camera up there so I can share my pics too. (M. Pantalon put it somewhere after taking the last shot.)

I'm sure you'll have some time for some good thinking during the Oz trip ... I hope your brain feels better soon sweetiecheeks.

Posted by: ms.chan at August 23, 2004 4:13 PM

I like the photo that you took out of the car window (where a crack in the window if fully visible).

I sympathize very much regarding the anxiety that accompanies the making of important life decisions.

Posted by: fern at August 23, 2004 5:04 PM

Argh! Bloggers in my hometown the weekend my in-laws were here! Corey mentioned it to me--hope I get to meet up with you guys one of these days.

Posted by: Casey at August 23, 2004 5:16 PM

Casey! A new commentor! Yay! Well, I'm sure that those of us who are sticking around will be back up next year... I heart the 1.5 hour drive - that is, unless i'm trying to write a list when going through the mtns, and the twisty turnies are making me sick.

Posted by: devlyn at August 23, 2004 5:33 PM

We'll talk later about what's really going on!

I just wanted to say that your hair looks awesome! Is that all your natural color now??

Posted by: LeeAnn at August 23, 2004 10:45 PM

hah! it's natural + unnatural highlights in 2 colors.

Posted by: devlyn at August 23, 2004 11:08 PM

have you lost weight? i thought you looked different.

Posted by: j-a at August 25, 2004 8:12 AM

erm.. maybe... i haven't stepped on a scale in a while, but my clothes are fitting better (the smaller ones, that is), so i guess so.

Posted by: devlyn is going to hate the next two days of work at August 25, 2004 3:50 PM