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October 10, 2005

Dear Internet 'Friends',

I've been gone for a while. Yes, nearly a month. I still don't have my Thank You cards done, and I haven't completed the last page of my travel journal from Scotland. Things are far less hectic, and I've been spending more time uploading photos to my Flickr and labeling them than writing (like I should be). Now, more than ever, I have been trying to get myself out of a fear stage that is really starting to bother me. Ben and I have been talking a lot about moving internationally. We have been doing this for a while, but at this point, it's actually really possible, and the act of moving out of Boise is becomming a reality (albeit in another year - just enough time to plan for this type of thing). Even though I've been wanting to move ever since I came here from California, I have grown stagnant and comfortable. I have great friends (even though more and more of them are leaving as well), and I like my life here (for the most part). I'm not signing the lease of my life over to the mayor at all, nor do I want to. But I don't know how I'm going to deal with moving to a whole new place in a country in which I don't know the language, I don't have any friends currently living there, and possibly won't have a (proper) job. What in the hell am I going to do with myself? I really haven't had to make friends from scratch since high school, and the support system I have here with the Urban Tribe is insanely awesome. While I'm still close with my friends who have moved away, I am so far removed from their lives at this point that I'm not sure if they would even mind if I moved abroad - more than likely, it would just be handy for them to have a great place to stay in a foreign country. It's just a really huge decision to make, and I'm not sure if I can do that now. But I know I must.

Boise is a pit that too many people fall into and cannot get out of. The income-to-living expense ratio is rather good, and the area is pretty safe. I do, however, live on drunken alley (near the only 24-hour convenience store closest to downtown which was robbed a couple of weeks ago, and where the hobos prefer to purchase their beer-in-a-bag), and I have these new 19 year old neighbors that are driving me up the wall. Have I mentioned the 19 year old neighbors? If not, that's a whole other rant, and I shall save it for another time. I do love my apartment, though I wouldn't live here for the rest of my life, and I totally want to nest and purchase a house, but not here.

I'm just so damned conflicted and what I really need to do is pull up the old bootstraps and allow myself the openness of trying new things and having adventures. I don't need to live the sheltered life, and living abroad (most likely never to return as a resident of the US) has always been a dream. Sigh.

More interested musings will surely continue once I have my full catalogue of photos up in Flickr and I can't help but post again. Until next time...



don't you even think about it, or i'll have to come after your kneecaps.

'specially from me, those are fighting words!

Posted by: amy at October 11, 2005 3:44 PM

Well, I've got to say that I would love to leave the country but I can totally understand where you stand. Dan says, "Damnit, I'm an American and for fucks sake we live in AMERICA! Get used to it." It is tough to make new friends sometimes but think about it this way... it will give all your current friends a new place to visit!

Posted by: Dominique at October 14, 2005 7:27 PM

Hey Girlie remember me??? Just wanted to say hey! Pop me an e mail if you ever feel like chating!

Posted by: Kristen at October 28, 2005 12:59 PM