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In which I discuss counting chickens before they hatch
October 1, 2006

Boy, what a raucous time this has been. It's finally time for me to write something down about what's been going on; I can't put it off any longer. Ben has just left to do some work at his office, and the cross-alley neighbor has been vacuuming her car for the past hour. Seriously. She must have had a dust storm or a very stinky body littering her vehicle.

I found out this last Wednesday that... well... there was never a baby inside of me. More specifically, there was a placenta, but no embryo. So, as I sit here typing at my desk, my body is rejecting and ejecting some bits in what is commonly called a miscarriage. I've been really silent about this with even my close friends (and I haven't had the heart to call my mom about it yet), as I don't deal with sympathy well. I've never felt comfortable actually accepting others' sympathy towards me, not that I've had many experiences in my life that would cause such an outpour from those around me. The main issue now is actually dealing with the fact that I now have to put forth some kind of communication to all of those people we told when we found out I was pregnant. I'm not sure how much longer I can put it off, so I'm kind of hoping that everyone will just check this website and keep the comments to him/herself. It's really my fault for letting the excitement get the better of me - there's a reason a lot of women keep things quiet until after the 3-month mark.

Uncomfortable dealings aside, I'm pretty okay with it. I mean, it really kind of sucks in a way that's rather unexplainable, but supposedly this has no bearing on my future abilities of popping out puppies, so as long as that's the case, whatever. I spent the remainder of Wednesday after my doctor appointment crying my eyes out and stuffing myself with raw fish and sake. Take that, miscarriage! Now that I can eat all the stuff I wasn't supposed to be eating and I can drink all of the hard alcohol in the house, I'm having to limit my intake of such things, as to not start destructive habits. I had the want for a cigarette for about 5 minutes, and once that was over I was grossed out again. So that's that.

On the up side, I had a fantastic interview with the No. 1 company I want to work for on Friday that will hopefully equate to a job within the next couple of weeks here. I plan on getting called again to come in for a face-to-face interview, at which point they will be wowed by my charming personality and brilliance in general, and will offer me a highly-paid position immediately. I'll let you know how that goes. Being unemployed really really really sucks. I'm trying to not let it get me down so much, but it's just really fucking hard to do anything but. I keep expecting to win the lottery, but I always forget to purchase tickets.

That's all for this week. I think I'm going to get another coffee. As long as I can keep a caffeine high during the day and a slight alcoholic haze after the sun goes down, I should be able to get over all of this bullshit unscathed.



i hope you get the job! fingers crossed.
(see, i didn't say anything else).

Posted by: marshmallow at October 1, 2006 10:14 PM

Well it's awfully hard for me not to want to wrap you up in a big hug right now, but I'm glad to hear that you're focusing on taking care of you regardless...that you're sticking to not smoking especially. Hopefully you'll have some luck getting Ben to do the same. Har har.

It sounds like you've got some other doors opening too which is always a great way to help keep looking forward. If these new job people don't realise what an incredible asset you'd be to their company, than they're obviously not worthy! :D

Call me if you want to chat, but I totally understand if you don't right now.

Posted by: LeeAnn at October 2, 2006 10:27 AM

I just have to say... DAMN, I love the new layout!!
I have slacked at answering the email you sent me. I suck. Kitty candy is still waiting and I know it's my own fault. :)

Posted by: Dom at October 3, 2006 12:33 AM

I like your new look as well. Much easier to navigate than your old site was..and much more colorful.

Hang in there. And good luck with the job!

Posted by: teahouseblossom at October 3, 2006 9:32 PM