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I've got a ticket to ride...
August 17, 2005

The Whole Wide World
August 10, 2005

Dear WWW,

It’s been a while, I know. Currently, everything I am writing is sounding biting and snarky. For the first time since 1994, I have been communicating more with the telephone than via email because of this issue. The only thing that circumvents the wedding stress is the stress I’m feeling at work – it comes crashing into me from the time I enter my building until I finally log off of the work laptop from home at night. I’m also currently helping Ben complete his current project by this weekend so we can have more money for the honeymoon.

Things are finally cooling down a bit in the wedding buying frenzy department. I've a few more last-minute things to do this weekend, as time ticks away, that are all written down in a lovely organized list (thanks, Amychan!). The stress about the wedding is now actually changing from “am I ready for the table decorations?” and “where are people going to sit during the ceremony?” to “am I over decorating? What if all of this is really horribly ugly, and I’m just not realizing it until now and when people get to the reception, it’s all crap and they think I’m absolutely nuts? What if I end up with 50 favors left afterwards? What the hell am I going to do with all of this junk after the wedding? Why didn’t I think of renting something simple?” and “what if I fall while I'm walking down the aisle? I hope my shoes don’t get too uncomfortable at the reception. It’s ridiculous that I purchased $50 shoes only to have them give me blisters 2 days before hiking about Scotland. And why in the hell do they need to be white satin? Argh!”

Obviously, I have some internal issues to work through.

But I was thinking last night in bed (while valiantly attempting to sleep after lying awake for an hour after taking ‘sleeping aids’) that all of this is actually a Big Deal. My family and Ben’s family will be there; most of the people we care about will be there. There is a family coming from Egypt to attend. My grandmother is flying, and she totally doesn’t fly. This is very nerve-inducing. It’s like when you’re playing the Sims 2, and you throw a party, and unless your party is a hit, your Sims get all depressed. I’m really kind of worried about this. I know that everything will be fine, but I can’t help myself from thinking about it constantly at this point. I really can’t wait to just be on holiday.

In other news, I have now officially had my second internet dream. The first incorporated my friend Laura and I at Heather and Jon Armstrong’s house, drinking adult beverages with them at a dining room table, then spending the night. Last night’s dream included Amy, Laura (again), and I sitting in the back of a room while someone was giving a lecture, and being really horrible and snarky and speaking way too loudly. Caitlin was in the room next to us, at a book-club meeting, and was v. annoyed at us for being so loud that the noise was coming through the open door and bothering people in. The. Other. Room. Later in the dream, I met a boy that I recognized from the internet (completely made-up, now - he looked 18ish, and I don't know any 18ish boys on the internet) with whom I offered to make-out. I have not met any of these people in rt, nor have I actually conversed personally with them (besides a short email convo with Caitlin, about 2 years ago). It’s odd that my brain thinks it’s perfectly okay to bring people into my head whom I don’t know.


PS. Pictures of the shower up on Amy's Flickr. Beware my huge noggin and my squinty eyes.

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