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In which I don't say much
April 30, 2007

So I'm mostly unemployed and dealing with the bullshit that is the tech industry here in the city of trees. The market is so incredibly sad and slow and depressing that I've been quite seriously thinking of moving before my savings dwindles past the point of no return. I've even been thinking a bit about career change, but I really haven't skills in any other area, unless you count customer support, which I would rather keep to myself.

The final paperwork for the divorce has been filed, and I've been having strange dreams. My methods of communication with pretty much everyone are lacking (which they usually are), but I'm feeling even more guilty about it than normal. There are people moving in and out of my apartment building, and there are new hipsters living in the basement directly below me. While they're normally very quiet and nice, every once in a while, they play hipster music incredibly loudly in their living room, which just happens to mostly be below and to the side of my bathroom, so while I'm in the shower or using the facilities, I sometimes get a bit of a shock when some irony-filled plaints suddenly fill the air.

I've been working on refinishing a table to make into my desk, and the project is almost done after half-assing it for the past 3 or so weeks. I'll have the photos up soon, I'm sure, and then you can be wowed by my awesome mad sanding, painting, staining, and polying skills.

In which I give some up...
April 13, 2007

Do you know how strange it is to get in the shower with clothing on? This is what I've been doing for the past 2 days, and will probably continue until my washer is fixed. I scrub my clothes for the day while they're on me, then, when I get out of the shower, I put them in the dryer with my towel to dry. It's working pretty well, so far...

In other news: the Big News: I asked my husband Ben for a divorce almost a month ago. There has been some major (expected) upheaval since then, and I've been rather manic/depressive since then. The final papers will be filed 2 weeks from Monday.

There were a lot of reasons behind this decision, and it was not an easy choice to make. I have lost friends over it, and had a whole lot of judgment passed upon me all at once. I was pretty much abandoned by everyone I know, save for family and 1 other person, and it made me think of what is truly important in this life. Once everything is over and "done with" (even though it is never "done with," but continues to possibly be baggage over the next few decades), I might be able to disclose a few more details. Until then, do know that I am mostly happy, and when not drinking, almost entirely happy. Reality is not something I want to contend with, but it may be something I need to put on my watch list.

In which I calme moi
April 2, 2007

After being in certain upheaval for the past 3 weeks, I was able to get away from everything for a weekend only to be interrupted in the middle by a meddler meddling. I have had so much drama for the last little while that I don't think my blood pressure has gone back to normal for more than a half hour, outside the REM cycle.

Everything is heading towards at least some kind of closure, and I'm most looking forward to having my life back to a somewhat normal state. It may take a few months to achieve the beginnings of that end, but at least I can see it in the distance and I don't have to fret any more about whether it exists or not, full stop. It's unfortunate to find that I cannot trust certain people the way I used to, if at all. The truth is that almost everything is an eventuality, and I would rather know these things sooner rather than later.

In other news, I love the Pacific, the green, the humidity, and the forests of Oregon, and I'm sure I'll be going back soon.