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May 13, 2008

So I haven't written here in forever, mostly because the only thing I want to do is complain. For 9 hours of my day, I'm stuck in a cube doing a job I did 6 years ago and holy fuck am I bored. I'm sure that some of my more knowledgeable coworkers could find this site, but I'm near the point of not caring now. I've never mentioned the name of the company I work for, or even what I do for said company or what the company does. Hopefully that allows me some kind of protection. I took this job because, well, I needed one before I could move here. I am overqualified and they got me for a steal. I was planning on moving up and out after my 90-day metamorphosis from a contractor to a full-time employee, but unbeknownst to me, I signed on to swab the deck of a sinking ship. My contractor status was stretched to 6 months; 6 months without paid holidays, time off, or insurance. 6 months that screwed me out of getting some kind of review and raise, as I was hired on *after* January 1st, which was the cutoff day for such employees. Due to some technicalities, there was some people on the same boat as I who ended up getting hired on right before the January 1st cutoff. Those people now have better jobs.

Be that as it may, I chose this job partially because of the supposed opportunities that are available to people here for advancement and the like. Since I started here last July, half of the workforce in my current are has been reduced, either by attrition or by layoffs, and only now are the opportunities starting to show. Unfortunately, because of the lack of workforce, most of us have been busting our asses to get our work done and mostly failing miserably. There are a few employees who seem to not care, and get far less done than the rest of us. Some of these employees happen to be extremely buddy-buddy with the management, and "get away" with not doing their work when it's supposed to be done because of it. Being a perfectionist and a snitch, this really bugs the hell out of me. If anyone were to find this and get me fired, it would be one of those people.

I have given suggestions both to my immediate management and to higher-ups that I think would boost our productivity while lowering financial burden across the board. None of these have been put in place. As I have worked in similar functions for the past... jesus... 10 years, I personally think I have something to say on the way things are run here, because overall, they are run only fairly, and that's with at least 10 people working their fingers to the bone, pumping water from the hull only to have the water lap up to their kneecaps. So supposedly, we're getting some new-hires who will allow the rest of us some time to finish up our own work while working on other projects that might have something to do with our ... careers. What a horrible word. The ship has a new captain and some new lieutenants and the like, but they all still seem like mutineers to me, or at least people I don't really trust.

Base line here: I don't know if I even want to stay here. I don't know if I can deal with the b.s. that's been going on in this company and I think that this ship may flounder and run aground. I've worked for a sinking ship before, but I actually really liked that company, and I gained a lot of knowledge that is now being completely wasted more every day I step into my building. When I start to do my job every day, I get nauseous and feel (quite seriously) dumber at the end of each day. At this point, I've lost skills with only paid off debts to show for it. I'm so stressed out here my skin has started fighting against me, and every single day I leave exhausted and don't want to touch anything at home. I'm at a loss as to what to do about it. I have good benefits, and although I'm being paid less than what I'm worth, it's still a fairly good wage for someone who lives in a dual-income-no-children household.

Have I mentioned I'm going to Vancouver this weekend? I'm fucking ridiculously excited. And it's Ichi's birthday again, which means it's only a 1/4 year until my birthday, too. I don't think I'm going to make some of the goals I have before turning 30, but I'll have to get over it, I guess. At least sometimes life seems worth living.