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In which my eyes are swollen shut
June 9, 2007

It's amazing how quickly things can change, and how even an inevitability can hurt so much, even when you think you prepared for it. So much turmoil has rocked my boat within the past 4 months, and I'm exhausted. I currently only have one foot to stand on and no one on which I can lean - it makes me feel so alone. It's wondrous how things got so far and yet not really far at all - like a star that explodes and quickly collapses upon itself, things are reverting to their previous states - different states, yes, but more in the area where they used to be. I am playing Conscience and Voice of Reason too much right now.

I'm running away to Portland in 5 weeks. I'm really really really afraid of being alone (I will know but one person there when I move), but sometimes one much face challenges head-on, stare them in the eyes.

I'm sad that such a happy, if dramatic, part of my life is over, but I'm looking forward to creating new memories and meeting new people with whom I can share a piece of myself. And if I keep thinking that, maybe I'll feel better by the end of the day - I can feel it working already.