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In which it's epiphany time
August 3, 2007

I realized today that I didn't just want to be out of Idaho. I wanted to be out of my life as well. I've regressed to the point where I'm not comfortable being me any more, and I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. I changed my location and my job. I changed my name, my environment, and the way I eat. But I still have these memories and this history that makes me me. I have the same mistakes I've been making over and over again still poking their little mole heads out at me. I know it's only been 3 weeks and I've just gone through some major upheaval, but I don't think this is going to level out with time. So I have 3 options: either hit my head hard enough to get the most rare type of amnesia, attempt to recreate the person that I am even more so that eventually I'll feel like someone else, or relearn how to be me - something I haven't done in nearly 10 years. The latter is the most likely course of action, and it's (again) something I'm going to have to do on my own. I just hope I don't have to do this every 10 years for the rest of my life, because I'm kind of sick of things being really really hard.