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In which I have a mood swing
July 30, 2007

So I took this lovely, just fucking lovely, if short, walk tonight. It was only 2 miles, round trip, but half of it was completely uphill and the other half down, and it was getting dark by the halfway point. I fell in love with this city all over again, and must make myself get out more often. There's really no need for me to stuff myself indoors and feel lonely and depressed when there are so many interesting things to see here. The weather has been gorgeous and perfect for a walk, and tomorrow I may attempt to make it out to Laurelhurst Park (about 2 mi away, direct).

And then I get home and I start to settle, flush from my exercise and feeling great, and then I get a text message that contains 3 words. Three tiny little words that make my heart break because they're what I'm trying to cover up. They're what I'm hiding deep inside myself while I go along my path every day, to work, to home, to the store. It's what my eyes are filled with when I'm grinning at people and saying "things are going great!" and "I totally love it here!" And it's not that those are lies, but that half of my heart is somewhere else entirely, and I've been trying to collect it, to bring it back, but it's firmly stationed. I'm either going to have to give it up or wait a little longer, and either option still hurts as much as the other.

So tomorrow I'll go on another walk, and marvel at the things around me: the greeness of everything, the locals in their habitats and hangouts (soon I think I'll be one of those), and the air fresh with organic scents. And then I'll wait some more...