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52nd day of my 28th year
October 8, 2007

It's amazing how quickly 2 weeks can go by. Like, one day it wasn't today, but was many hours ago, and now those hours are gone, never to return. Time goes quicker as one gets older. Fact.

I had a teeny tiny panic attack last night when I realized (as I do at least twice a year) that I don't really know what the hell I'm doing. I'm sure that this will just get worse as time progresses. Life isn't one of those things I've started taking for granted, like driving my car, or grocery shopping - 2 mundane things I would rather not think about while they're happening. I do realize where I am in every moment, and some of those moments scare me. Like, didn't I learn this lesson before? Why am I doing this? And why do I continue to do this, no matter how many times I tell myself I'm fucking crazy for doing it? Still no answer comes (that satisfies my request), and so I continue, and wait for something to change that may or may not change. I'm severely freaked out by the fact that I might screw up my life enough right now that I might not end up having enough time to do things I want to do, like have kids and enjoy a family and a home and a cabin in the woods. How does one prevent that from happening without then settling for less than what is desired? I am, at least at this point, in a place I like, so that's step 1. I'm nearly with someone I like, which is step 2. Everything else gets garbled from there.

I strained my wrist last night while knitting and watching South Park for 4 hours. Welcome to Fall.