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...and the winner is...
August 20, 2003

...so as soon as i was about to write the most thought-provocing sentance in this modern age, the phone at work rang, i answered, and lost all of my brain power in that second, including my current thoughts.

you are now stuck with someone who doesn't know what to say, nevermind how to say it. i've been having some issues answering an email i received from an old friend. i guess i'm at that stage where most of my current friends were about 6 years ago. when i went to college, i didn't move away. neither did any of my friends. of course, at that time i didn't have many friends left, except for those whom i am missing now. so much has changed and become impossible. strange, even; i don't know what to really think about it.

when sarah got married to zach last month, it didn't really hit me that hard. i wasn't ever really good friends with sarah. more like a friend of a friend, though i liked her a lot, we never hung out without the rest of the group, you know? i haven't been exposed to life-change as much as i would like. i'm not sure if that's a personal setback or not. of my current friends, all of them had good high-school friends that moved away to go to college; some of the people still visit once in a while. my mom's moved, but only 40 miles away. sarah and zach moved to salt lake. bob has moved to portland. bob's moving is the only thing that really struck me as anything but normal. i always just thought that he would be here. perhaps that's why i wasn't proactively speaking to him. i wasn't even in contact with him when he moved, and now i feel a loss, like i may never see him again, and that really makes me sad.

when ben and i move to savannah, which probably won't happen for a couple of years, i am going to have to make new friends and all that. it's a huge pain in the ass. most of the people i'm good friends with now stemmed from people i knew in high school. zach, i met through kristen, who now lives in redmond. sara, amichan, corey, laura, whitney, emina, elizabeth, jennifer, and others i have pretty much met through zach (the little social whore). i'm not even sure if i know how to make friends any longer. i do believe i'm thinking about the point leeann was at when she moved to WI. well, not something i'm going to worry about it any longer, as i don't have to deal with it right now. la la la la la.

i guess the main point here is that i'm a bit afraid of change. i understand that fearing change won't do me any good, as everything changes. i've become so comfortable where i'm at, even though i don't like it, i'm afraid to move, or to have my friends move away from me. even though i don't see my friends as much as i probably should, i don't know what i would do without them, besides become more of a homebody. and that's not good for me. i can become extremely introverted if left on my own. i'm v. weird like that.

the birthday bootie:
August 19, 2003

was limited to this:

from ben: $350 gift cert. for williams-sonoma, with which i bought:
an 11-cup cuisinart, 3 baking pans, a 6-glass set of drinking glasses that are so
totally cute, some oven-mitts, a utensil holder, and other misc.
The Wall (Pink Floyd) on DVD,
almost famous director's edition DVD
and tons of kawaii misc. hello kitty.
from mom: a 5-gallon fish tank (teal) with all the fixin's (no fish yet, you'll
have to wait for that update)
from zach and corey: a $25 gift cert. to old navy (yay! new pants!), dinner, and a cake!
from sara: a $25 gift cert. to border's and balloons!
from laura: a nifty candle and glass candle-plate-holder thing (nifty), hello kitty candy
and probably more that i can't remember right now.
so far i have not gotten:
any cards from my family, besides my mom
any checks for $10k, or any checks at all (goes along with not getting any cards yet)

however, that's plenty enough for me. and i got to play with my cuisinart last night, making my famous mushroom-chicken marinara with penne pasta. i used the cuisinart to delightfully slice the mushrooms, onions, garlic, and chicken. i did go a bit overboard, but i guess that's what it's for. mwahaha. it's so kickass. i love love love it.

anyhow, other than that, a bit of a setback in the lovelyness of the week has occured when i found out last week that the new price for RT tix from boise to savannah has gone down about $150. dude. so i call up cheaptickets, hoping that maybe they can kick back some of the whopping $492 i shelled out for those very same tix, which are now going for $348. nope, nada, and nothing. oh well. i just know now that the best time to buy tix is 3 weeks before one's trip. maybe. whatever.

August 16, 2003

somethingclever.net stupendous index v2.0 is now up and at your disposal. ph34r my m@d photoshop 5k1||z! anyhow, i'm rather happy that it's up, and i'm pleased with the finished product. pretty much exactly what i wanted.

on another note, my birthday is tomorrow, and the loss of the wait is making me not really want it to happen. at exactly 12:08am tomorrow morning, i will be 24 years old, an adult by government standards. i am pleased, of course, that it is finally here, i'm just not all that excited any longer.

ben is working today, and i really have nothing to do but clean, and that does not interest me at all. i'm thinking about just curling up in bed again, as corey woke me up as the phone rang and an invitation was given for a dinner (in my honour, i'm assuming) tomorrow night. ben was displeased with this, as he was planning on taking me to mortimer's tomorrow night, but he hadn't let me know beforehand. i am a planner. *sigh* so i'm rather tired, having gone to sleep far past my bedtime last night. ben and i went to the movie theater last night, and saw the league of extraordinary gentlemen, which was better than i had expected. i was in kind of a pissy mood, as i was really tired, on my period, and hadn't had dinner. be that as it may, i'm thinking about a nap. how about you?

August 14, 2003

i'm sad, because i know that more people read the menage blog than my blog. maybe my blog is just bloody boring. the thing is is that i can't remember ever what i want to say once i get to say it. maybe it's a kind of stage fright. oh! now i remembered something.

so i was thinking on the way to work today, just driving, driving, driving along the connector. lately, i have been answering questions in my head. not questions posed in my head or anything, just overheard stuff, or like when i'm watching something on the teevee, i answer questions posed by those actors/actresses i'm watching. just for one reason. the word "indeed". i have been having a lot of fun with that word, and i wish more questions were posed towards me in a fashion where i could respond positively with an "indeed". unfortunately, this has not been happening, so i've been answering everyone else's positive-response questions inside of my head with an "indeed". maybe i'm just weird? indeed.

August 12, 2003

i spent most of last weekend working on somethingclever.net's index extraordinaire v2.0. once i have that completed, i will have it take over the main index. it's a little more simple. well, not really. it just seems more simple.

so yay. will be switching my schedule after i get back from my holiday in savannah, which kicks ass, as i've been wanting an earlier shift since i pretty much got this job. of course, that does mean that i would have to get up earlier. i think it's something i can do. ugh.

so there was this huge spider in my room last night, right? and i saw it first, when ben and i were fighting over who got to go to the bathroom first. so naturally, i screamed and hopped back up onto the bed. i told ben to take care of it. he wouldn't. so i'm trying to kill this thing, and it falls off the wall, and goes underneath the door into the bathroom and corners up by the fallen toiletpaper roll-thingie that's sitting next to the trashcan. i couldn't find any spray chemicals around (i've found that that's the easiest way of killing things i don't want to get all that close to), so i grab ben's shaving cream. i spray it at the spider, but it didn't really have the power behind the spray to go very far, and in trying to get the spider, i kind of trapped it, and made a huge mess doing so. so i start to clean away some of the trash and stuff to get a better shot at killing the thing, and ben wouldn't give me the shaving cream, so it got away behind the bathroom counter. we spent a good 20 minutes trying to coax it out of it's hiding spot, but it didn't come out but once, and we weren't quick enough to get it. *sigh* so now i have this huge renegade spider in my bathroom, or by now, within my house. and i want it dead. grrr.

frustrating things online
August 6, 2003

so i'm so totally interested in purchasing this, but i want to ask the company a couple of questions before i hand them the $30 or so for it. having a remote for my computer mp3 list has been somthing i've wanted to do for a long time. and even better is that this comes with a wireless setup so that i don't have to keep tripping over the audio cable stretching across the livingroom from my computer to my stereo. rock on. so i'm thinking that i can only use it with their software, which is fine for the streaming radio, but i'm not really big on their mp3 player/listing thingie. however, if i can get this for less than $30 and have it work, it would be more than worth it to just use their crappy mp3 software. i dig, yo. and they have really good radio stations through their iM Tuner. i like listening to the jazz and the j-pop/anime stations. and there's no commercials/adverts to get annoying like real radio. and there's a little button you can push to find out what the song, artist, and album information is, emailed directly to you. this is on the remote, as well. it's kickass. so the bad thing is that the place where one can ask questions is down for some unknown reason, which really kind of pisses me off, because i want to buy it now. *sigh* i just wish that some companies and people would get off of their asses so the world could be better for me. i'm sounding like a good little american now, aren't i? ^_^

want, want, want.
August 4, 2003

so, since my birthday is coming up soon soon soon, i was looking for stuff that i want. but not neccessarily any stuff that i would purchase for myself, unless i suddenly came up with $50k and bought a new car first. so here's a little list i've compiled that i shall title, "omilord, it's too fucking cute, and i want it!"

for the kitchen:

for the car:
how can i live without this?
or this?

just because it's kawaii:

so i wasn't all into this hello kitty stuff until just a little while ago. and i don't know what really sparked my interest. i used to be really into kero-kero-keroppi, but he's getting really hard to find these days, at least the old style cute one. anyhow, now i'm imagining driving a new pink car with kitty on the sides. not like i would actually do it, but there are kitty seat covers that i would give a little finger for. well, not really, but i would v.v. much like to have them. ^_^

Comments (2)

this is what caffeine does to me:
August 1, 2003

so after not having a cigarette for the longest amount of time since starting smoking, i was feeling rather odd. see, this is the first time really that i've tried to quit smoking, and i have a feeling that i'm going to have to make due with other legal drugs for a while to take over the need for nicotine. i'm actually doing rather well, ie. i'm not ready to start digging in an ashtray for halfway-smoked remains just to get a puff or two. however, all day i've been v. sleepy, and though i'm not sure that has anything to do with the lack of nicotine, i decided to do what any other sane person would do, and down 2-32oz portions of coffee, mixed, of course, with a packet of "no-sugar-added" hot cocoa, some powdered non-dairy creamer, and just a bit of sugar. now normally that wouldn't be at all bad or amazing, but i rarely ever consume caffeine. methought this would be a good idea, since i was falling asleep looking at my computer screen, so i faithfully downed the liquid and suddenly exploded with energy. my eyes, however, are still tired. after drinking the coffee, i needed something to entertain me. preferably on the computer. as you may be able to tell, today has been rather slow for me, having only spent a total of 21M talking on the telephone. and i have been here for over 7H. okay, so back to the needing something to do... i have always had a bit of a morbid/macabre fascination with murders, etc. not that i really really want to learn everything i can about them. i think it's just because they freak me out, and like a good horror movie, i like to get freaked out once in a while. so don't think i'm just sitting around all day thinking about the manson family (charles, not marilyn), or reading mein kampf (which, incidentally, i never have) over and over again. so i'm just reading about the more interesting killers in history out on crimelibrary.com, and i got all mixed up in the zodiac killer, so now i'm going through that page. and see, this is wonderful, as the boy won't be home until around midnight (don't ask), and since everyone else is planning on being out, i think i'll probably be home alone, not smoking, and bored out of my mind. or something like that. maybe i'll take the time to actually learn fireworks, so i can get my index page finished finally, for the server move scheduled sometime this month. happy august everyone! and my apologies if this post didn't make any sense and was far too long.