« the birthday bootie: | Main | being horribly awful »

...and the winner is...
August 20, 2003

...so as soon as i was about to write the most thought-provocing sentance in this modern age, the phone at work rang, i answered, and lost all of my brain power in that second, including my current thoughts.

you are now stuck with someone who doesn't know what to say, nevermind how to say it. i've been having some issues answering an email i received from an old friend. i guess i'm at that stage where most of my current friends were about 6 years ago. when i went to college, i didn't move away. neither did any of my friends. of course, at that time i didn't have many friends left, except for those whom i am missing now. so much has changed and become impossible. strange, even; i don't know what to really think about it.

when sarah got married to zach last month, it didn't really hit me that hard. i wasn't ever really good friends with sarah. more like a friend of a friend, though i liked her a lot, we never hung out without the rest of the group, you know? i haven't been exposed to life-change as much as i would like. i'm not sure if that's a personal setback or not. of my current friends, all of them had good high-school friends that moved away to go to college; some of the people still visit once in a while. my mom's moved, but only 40 miles away. sarah and zach moved to salt lake. bob has moved to portland. bob's moving is the only thing that really struck me as anything but normal. i always just thought that he would be here. perhaps that's why i wasn't proactively speaking to him. i wasn't even in contact with him when he moved, and now i feel a loss, like i may never see him again, and that really makes me sad.

when ben and i move to savannah, which probably won't happen for a couple of years, i am going to have to make new friends and all that. it's a huge pain in the ass. most of the people i'm good friends with now stemmed from people i knew in high school. zach, i met through kristen, who now lives in redmond. sara, amichan, corey, laura, whitney, emina, elizabeth, jennifer, and others i have pretty much met through zach (the little social whore). i'm not even sure if i know how to make friends any longer. i do believe i'm thinking about the point leeann was at when she moved to WI. well, not something i'm going to worry about it any longer, as i don't have to deal with it right now. la la la la la.

i guess the main point here is that i'm a bit afraid of change. i understand that fearing change won't do me any good, as everything changes. i've become so comfortable where i'm at, even though i don't like it, i'm afraid to move, or to have my friends move away from me. even though i don't see my friends as much as i probably should, i don't know what i would do without them, besides become more of a homebody. and that's not good for me. i can become extremely introverted if left on my own. i'm v. weird like that.